Because of my fervent desire to go back to how things were, I was so adamant that I'll go back to Manila after I finished high school and restart my once interrupted life. That is.. unless I get a dog. Since I was little, dogs have been a big part of who I am and I felt they offered solace from this big bad world.
We got Ken through fluke, to be honest. After some constant nagging, my parents finally gave in and started scouring local newspapers about dogs which were available. Since our only experience with dogs as a family have been with chow-chows, we decided that another chow or chow mix would make sense.
I remember being so excited the day when we went to this person's house to pick up this chow puppy. I already had an image in my mind of what type of dog I wanted. Something a little gray/ black with a hint of brown in them. I saw the perfect puppy and as we were carrying the puppy out, the puppy bit me and I went into a state of shock where I almost fainted. My parents initially wanted to just abandon this whole puppy process but after composing myself, I said no, we should go find another puppy in the litter.
That was Ken. This little bouncing golden chow/ retriever mix that no one wanted. He was the runt of the litter and was often just following all the other dogs around and just tailing behind them. In my mind, I thought, "Hey, you're the littlest.. like how I am the littlest (in the family) too. We'll go through this together."
With every dog, I find that there are heartbreaks but also happiness. Ken was rambunctious, curious and slightly crazy. Kinda like me :). From the moments when he peed and destroyed my mother's beloved garden, to escaping from the yard and for us to turn the neighbourhood upside down only to find that he's actually waiting for us at the front door to let him in, he did not lack personality and always seized the opportunity for a memorable outcome.
When I moved to Toronto for school and left my room empty except for the holidays, my brother would always tell me that they'll often find Ken laying on my bed as if he's laying claim to it. Lol. Or maybe he just missed me too.
As the years went by, Ken was was still Ken. When I last visited Vancouver, Ken trekked up the hills with my fiancee and my brother with rigor and loved the winter cold.
Last night, as I was rounding up a day's worth of work, I received a call from my parents who are currently vacationing in the Philippines with my brother and sister-in-law. Our dogsitter said that Ken has not been eating lately and has also not able to move. He decided that he needed to bring him to the hospital where the vet said he's in really rough shape. Physically, he was just deteriorating and was doing so very fast.
Everything just happened so quickly. I called the vet and the vet said that she recommends that he be euthanized. As a family, we decided that we couldn't let Ken go through this alone. I flew out to Vancouver from Toronto at the next available flight. Ken also needed to be transferred to an emergency clinic at about 5PM as his regular vet is not open 24x7.
Throughout my whole travel time, I was just mentally trying to connect with Ken to hold on.. Don't go without me saying goodbye. I arrived in Vancouver at 1AM on Friday morning and went straight to the emergency clinic.
When I first saw him at the clinic, my heart just broke. Gone was the vivacious dog I knew and here was a dog who was so physically frail. I kissed him and thanked him for hanging on and started talking to him about the memories we shared. I then connected with the rest of my family and put them on speaker phone. With each person saying hi, he slowly gained a little more strength, enough to start barking. He summoned enough to continue barking but not enough to lift his head or move his body. It was like my puppy's excited soul was trapped in this old body.
Finally, after my mom said her goodbyes to him on the phone, he started to become calmer. My mom also explained with Ken listening in that I needed to be strong for him and to stop crying. He won't let go unless he knows everyone's going to be okay. I need to just direct him to follow the light and to let go.. and that everything was going to be okay.
With that, it was my turn to summon all my strength and courage. I composed myself and breathed. At that moment, I realized that he needed to find his peace and that he will be at a better place. With that, I finally said my goodbyes.
The euthanizing process itself was fast and painless. Ken was gone in less than 5 seconds. It was unexpectedly calming and I closed his eyes and kissed him for one final time. I then tried to remember a poem which I found on the Internet to, one more time, to finally let go.
Beyond The Rainbow - Cate Guyan
As much as I loved the life we had and all the times we played,
I was so very tired and knew my time on earth would fade.
I saw a wondrous image then of a place that's trouble-free
Where all of us can meet again to spend eternity.
I saw the most beautiful Rainbow, and on the other side
Were meadows rich and beautiful -- lush and green and wide!
And running through the meadows as far as the eye could see
Were animals of every sort as healthy as could be!
My own tired, failing body was fresh and healed and new
And I wanted to go run with them, but I had something left to do.
I needed to reach out to you, to tell you I'm alright
That this place is truly wonderful, then a bright Glow pierced the night.
'Twas the Glow of many Candles shining bright and strong and bold
And I knew then that it held your love in its brilliant shades of gold.
For although we may not be together in the way we used to be,
We are still connected by a cord no eye can see.
So whenever you need to find me, we're never far apart
If you look beyond the Rainbow and listen with your heart.
What was crazy was that the vet technicians said that he was just quiet and laying in his kennel until I visited him and he started barking and howling.
What was crazier is the fact that Ken has been deaf for at least a year due to his old age. He was suddenly able to hear us again.. for us to say our farewells. He was responding to our voices with his barks and howls.
I love you Ken. Thanks for all the memories. You gave me enough strength to stay here in Canada. Life could have been so dramatically different and I wouldn't change what I have now for the world.
Thanks so much for hanging on, long enough for me to say goodbye. You will be sorely missed. Now, go have fun with your other dog friends and someday soon, we'll see each other again.
Rest in peace, Ken. He was 15 years old.
